Part 1 – I grew up in a Christian home, in church every Sunday and Wednesday night. Active in the youth group and could tell you all about the rules. God said no. No going to movies, no dancing, no drinking, no smoking and certainly no SEX! What I didn’t know was why? No one ever taught us why God said to wait. I think the reason why no one ever taught us is they didn’t really know why. So, we just didn’t talk about it. And I admit, I didn’t teach my girls the real truth either. Because I didn’t know. I knew all about heartbreak. I knew all about feeling worthless and empty and I knew I wanted more for my girls, but I didn’t know how to get there for them.
What are we doing in our churches to prepare our kids to face the world’s view of FREE LOVE? Sex without consequences? To answer this question, we have to understand what actually happens when people have sex. We know that God tells us to reserve sex for marriage…but why? Does He want to spoil our fun and ruin our weekend? Not at all!!! He’s trying to save us from a life of regret and misery.
The simple truth is we fail our kids by not teaching them the biology behind sex. And why do we fail at this? Because we were never taught this either! We simply don’t know it. Hosea 4:6 says my people perish for a lack of knowledge. This statement is never so true as it is when it comes to teaching our kids about sex. But let me remind you of something… if we don’t teach them the world will! Just look at the commercials on TV or the sex ed curriculum at the schools. Our young people are being bombarded with false information that sex carries no consequences and that everybody is doing it.
They are being taught that their body is theirs to do with as they please. So why not do what feels good and produces a “high”! If you want to know the answer to the question “why not”, just come visit my clinic and see the aftermath of free sex.” You will see, first- hand, that there are great consequences for this type of behavior. And it’s not pretty. These young lives are torn apart and hearts are completely broken. And it’s not just the girls…boys face these problems as well. So, what about this biology?
Sex and the Church – Part 2
“The Oxytocin High”
Did you know that sex produces endorphins in your brain? Endorphins just make you feel good. Chocolate produces endorphins and most women will kill for good chocolate! But in sex That’s the “high” and its created by the hormone Oxytocin. This hormone produces a feeling of euphoria, joy and happiness. It’s what makes sex so attractive. It’s a drug on a whole different level.
Did you know that the same hormone, Oxytocin, that is produced during sex is the same hormone produced in a woman as she gives birth? This “high” explains why a mother only remembers the joy of childbirth and never the actual pain. This same hormone is also produced in a woman as she nurses her baby. This hormone is responsible for bonding. Bonding a mother to her new born child, bonding a man and woman together for life in marriage. What do you think happens when there is sex with no commitment or lifelong bonding? What do you think happens when people go from one sexual partner to another?
I will tell you. People think they can do this and call it freedom, but the truth is this puts them in slavery! The deep desires they are looking for keeps slipping away, bit by bit by bit. Every time someone has sex outside of God’s plan and purpose, marriage, they chip away at who they are until one day there is absolutely nothing left! There is emptiness and anger and loneliness. And this cycle continues on and on and on.
Children as young as 11 are having sex and you know they can’t possibly understand the ramifications of their actions! Elisa on my staff is so good at explaining to our patients what happens to you when you have multiple partners. She uses the “duck tape” dating demonstration. I thought we should try it today. On the tables you will find some duck tape. Cut off a piece and put it on your arm. Now pull it off…hurts right? Now put it on again and pull it off. Doesn’t hurt quite so much. Now do it again. Are you getting it yet?
The “bonding” that happened the first time you stuck that tape on your arm is getting less effective every time you pull it off, right? This is what happens to you when you have multiple sex partners. The bonding that is supposed to take place loses its effect and you go from partner to partner looking to replace that original feeling. You start to believe you are worthless because nothing “sticks.”
Sex and the Church – Part 3
Now that we are beginning to understand the science,let’s take another look! There are those who think they want to try to live together before they marry to see if they are compatible with each other. Research shows that couples who co-habitate before getting married are at greater risk for divorce than those who do not co-habitate.
In fact, for couples to have the best chance of a lasting marriage, abstinence until the “I Do” give the best results. Why is this? After all, they got married, right? Why is waiting until the marriage certificate is signed, sealed and delivered so important? Women need to know that they are what their husbands love and cherish and not wonder if they are just a sex object. Men too need to know that they are loved and respected for who they are, not for what they can do in the bedroom.
Marriage is so much more complex than sex! What we see happening is men and women no longer get to know each other, the real person on the inside, their likes, dislikes, hobbies, hopes and dreams. Instead they meet and fall into bed, no conversation, no investment, no interest. I don’t quite know when this happened, but now days people don’t “date” to find a lifetime mate.
They “hook-up” and it’s costing us, as a society, greatly! Women think they have to be “men” and men don’t think its ok to be manly, to treat a woman with tenderness and gentleness. Instead, if you go out together and don’t have sex, there is something VERY WRONG WITH YOU! Hey, it’s just sex! What’s the big deal! Men and women fall into bed now with no promises made and no expectations to which they can hold each other and what’s left behind is a trail of broken hearts and bodies.
STD’s are on the rise and here is San Antonio, several diseases are at epidemic levels! Syphilis hasn’t been this high in years and chlamydia and Gonorrhea are among the highest in history. Sure, a shot of penicillin and a couple of doses of antibiotics can cure most diseases but what’s left behind is infertility, scaring and raw emotions that you can’t cover up with Band-Aids. Just sex is not just sex, it’s so much more! God created it that way. Something sacred and holy to be enjoyed for a lifetime between one man and one woman, in a covenant marriage, where there is safety and love and commitment and honor.
Sex and the Church – Part 4
So, what’s happened…where did we get off track? Well, I think it’s safe to say, when we let our schools teach our kids that they can make grownup decisions with out consequences, when our kids are continuously told to be sexy and sexual, bad things happen. And we are seeing this play out all through our society. Men marrying men, drag queens giving reading time to our kids in public libraries indoctrinating them into the perverse lifestyle that we are just expected to accept as normal. It’s everywhere. On the tv, in kids shows, even Disney is promoting abortion and homosexual behavior. What happened to Mickey Mouse and princesses who waited for Prince Charming? I mean seriously!
So, what can we do? Is it too late? Have we waited too long to intervene? Can we bring Godly values back to our kids lives? The answer is YES we can, but will we? It will be difficult and trying. It will take time and a lot of effort but it can be done!
So the question is What are we, the church, the body of Christ, doing to educate our kids and teach them God’s perfect plan? What are you, as pastors doing? Are you brave enough to take on this topic and see it through? Are you willing to take a stand with the parents of kids in your church? Are you willing to teach your kids the “why” behind the “wait”?
I firmly believe that our kids are just waiting for someone to tell them the truth! Our kids are smart and loyal and really want to do the right thing if someone will just be brave enough to teach them. It’s true. Our society is broken and it’s mostly our own fault. We were silent when abortion was legalized. We were mostly silent when couples started living together without getting married, even in our churches.
We stood in disbelief when they started having “gay pride” and parades to celebrate homosexuality. And we were horrified when same sex marriage was made legal. How much longer will we simply stand by and let the devil take everything dear to us! I say its time…no past time, that we did something brave! It’s time to stop worrying about being politically correct and start acting Godly correct! Our future depends on it!
Sex and the Church – Part 5
I wish I had known some of this when I was a teenager. Perhaps I could have avoided some of the many mistakes I made and perhaps I could have been better at teaching my kids to avoid these traps. I know that when we tell our patients this information, they almost always say “I have never heard that before”. Why didn’t someone tell me this sooner?
There is good news here! We still have time to make a difference. And God is still alive and active and all powerful. He’s just looking for a few good men who will take a stand for righteousness. Together we can end abortion, bring back Godly marriages and families and teach this generation that its actually OK to say “I will wait”.